Like what i mentioned before..I was one of those girls. 'WAS'.
Because i tried to be brave and face reality and the result?? a broken heart...
I know all of you are wondering about the story between me and the guy..well to tell you honestly he was my ex boyfriend. We were together for almost 8 months, some of you might think that its not even that long cause there are other couples out there that have been together for years but still broke up.
But you know what, he's the guy that I'm sure every girl would ask for..we were legal on both sides, we see each other in school and he's allowed to visit me at home...he's the best thing that ever happened to me..everything was so perfect..and in place,,we dreamed of being together for long and we kind of planned the future already,,,
But this life that we're all living in is not the same as those stories in movies and books that always have a happy ending..
Things got messy when we moved to a different place, although we stayed together and he can still visit me..It wasn't the same as before. We started having arguments about stupid things, that led to another, and another until it became a big fight. And I guess that made him broke up with me. I couldn't accept it. It was so hard for me....
I didn't get any concrete reason on why he wanted to end things. I didn't have any closure. The only thing that he told me was, he's sick and tired of everything. I didn't understood what he meant but just accepted his decision..
I got on with my life...but there were times when I'm by myself and I couldn't help thinking about it. I always end up blaming myself on what happened..I kept asking myself If I was too clingy, or was I being immature? but no answer came up.
So i just continued living my life but there's still a scar that isn't healing...I saw him a few times but i decided not to say Hi and just avoided and never talked to him again..i thought after 3 years I already moved on..
But i was wrong...
Just last year we started communicating again,,and all those effort that I made to forget him was all forgotten and I found myself falling for him again and I thought he feels the same way..
But this time around i took the chance to confess to him because I don't want to have any regrets and ask my self with 'What If' questions.
So today, i went to his house and took all the courage that I've been keeping in my whole life, It was the first time that I have ever done that.
It was so awkward when I got to his house, he let me in. We were sitting there in his lounge, I couldn't bring myself to tell him how I feel. I was so nervous, my heart was pounding, and it's not making things easier. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I took a deep breath and prayed for the words to come out. And it did. I told him that I still have feelings for him, and I looked at him. Right there from his expression I knew what was the answer.
It was so quiet for along time and then he said 'I don't know how to say it but.... I like another girl'. Right there and then I got my heart broken, so much luck for confessing for the first time haha. I told him it was okay, i just wanted to know if he feels the same way, cause if he doesn't I could finally go on with my life without regretting anything.
We talked a bit more and he was telling good things about me, that any guy would be lucky to have me. Trying to make me feel better. When I couldn't take it anymore, I told him I'll be going and without waiting for his answer I stood up and let myself out of the door. I know it was a bit rude but I just couldn't stay in the room. It was suffocating and I feel like it was so small and I couldn't breath.
I didn't cry, but right now sitting here in front of my computer writing this, everything started to sink in. And tears started flowing..
I might be hurt right now, but I don't regret anything. I'm glad I did it.
And now I'm on the last stage ACCEPTANCE. It might take time for the wound to heal but I know and I believe It will.
Bottomline is girls it's not bad to go after the guy you like or love, just make sure you are ready for the result and ready to accept it. May it be rejection or reciprocation. Either one you'll learn something.
I learned in this experience to be brave enough and have courage. But also at the same time be ready on what the result is. Although this is not a good experience, I still think of positive things about this, now I can finally let God do his work cause for a long time, I'm the one who's been maneuvering my life. Now, I'm getting ready for the right one.
I read this from Alex Gonzaga's book,
"Dapat marealize mo na baka kaya hindi pa binibigay ni Lord ang The One mo eh dahil hindi ka pa talaga ready. Maging happy na single ka and that you're alone right now, because God is molding and preparing you."
So, now I'll let God do his work.
Love,
Arah ♡
